I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you had me at cake vodka
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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