Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Even my vagina gasped.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
