if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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