tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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