beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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