And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
