if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
