If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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