Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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