The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
