Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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