There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
