life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
