apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
