I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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