He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
