Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
