I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
