Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
