Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
