You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
