is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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