These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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