i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
