Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
