i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
