Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
we should paint friendship bongs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
