"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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