yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
