I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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