Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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