just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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