I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
