mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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