but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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