come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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