I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
