He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
