my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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