i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
