we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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