The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
