clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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