whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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