hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We had to coat check the pizza.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
