bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
