I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
