I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
