So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
