I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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