I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
