real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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