I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
